I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
