so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
