SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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