She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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