One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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