nut hugger
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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