I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he thought i was a dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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