Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
