A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your penis caused this!
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