FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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