i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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