im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
