So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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