I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
