the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
