saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
