I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
