Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
