i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
