i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
