my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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