you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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