the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
