I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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