New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
