Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
