Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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