Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize