...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize