U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
