You're completely useless in the revolution.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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