i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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