Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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