Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
