then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
