i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
