I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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