You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize