Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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