it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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