There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
