What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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