a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
