you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize