he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
