i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
