A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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