Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
