my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
