It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
