Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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