it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
