If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
