my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
