I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
