For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
