i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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