I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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