if i can run in heels then i can drive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
