do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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