one might say we're banned from that church
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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