I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
