I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
