her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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