Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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