2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
