I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
