I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
