i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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