did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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