so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
