you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Four minutes until I can fart!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize